my puny brain is simply bursting upon seeing the plethora of methods for generating income online while researching. but first i should prolly clear my head of all nuisance. the fact that i didn't know until now what SEO means and its significance in herding readers... i lost my train of thought.

i was thinking of switching back to wordpress *stoned*. i'm sorry. srsly, i get it. what is the point of switching over to a more powerful blogging tool when i hardly lay my hands on this one, much less maximize fully its capabilities? i know, you're thinking,"what the flying fuck is your problem?! no one even reads this semi-existent pile of crap!". *beaten up by imaginary readers*

well, this time i'll try to blog as much as i can, and practice writing more sensible content other than the usual pointless nausea of inner turmoil and cowardice.

a friend once told me that the only thing she fears other than (her) God is stagnation, which is a pretty scary thing if you live in my environment of overachieving geniuses. And, degradation which is definitely more horrifying isn't making things any easier for me. But one thing's for sure, i'm not going back to college because we can't afford it. *internet high-five!* heck, we could hardly even afford decent food anymore. stupid recession. anyhow, i still have the internet. and i need to make money. so, yes. i'm finally getting my ass out of this bed. but not to work, mind you. sure i've got several companies i'd like to enter just for the learning experience *kicked*. yes, it's true. there are several corporations i'd like to be a part of, but my lazy ass, pessimism and irrational fears are preventing me to do so. evidently, it's out of the question.

i must stop this degradation. must...

anyhoo, i'm going to stop immersing myself in epic shonen mangoes, start reasearching and try my hand on gaining some profit online to at least relieve some grief and disappointment out of my clan. maybe, i'll even start learning programming again *reliving the terrors of 5-hour practical programming exams*. que horror.

i really am. somehow, it's sort of coming off and i've started taking interests in things again, but my train of thought always end up in me never having enough drive and capacity, and i will ultimately fail, like i always do.

i did it for the lulz don't kill me. :3

i've been avoiding this issue with the best of my abilities, to the extent of removing even the slightest thoughts of it even by physical means such as flailing my own head againts a wall. i've been successful at forgetting it for several months by means of sleepless nights of anime and 4chan, corrupting my mind with abomination, right to its very core, just for it not to resurface. tonight, i've failed. in hopes of improving my tagalog vocabulary, i ended up landing in peyups, which i told myself never to venture into. i even sort of sworn to myself i would never shed a tear for it ever. and just reading a single column broke me into a million of tiny pieces. yes, i'm talking about my dead academic career. the details are unclear, you say? i have no desire of increasing my inner turmoil. so suffer the lack of context. for me, its ** or nothing. that's very shallow and immature of me. i know. you wouldn't know what it feels unless you are me.

in the end, it all boils down to the fact that i don't have what it takes to get there. i don't have enough drive to do it. i do everything half-assed and i couldn't change myself, because its what i am. i've pushed my luck so much and i know as hell how much of it i've got. but i can't rely on luck alone and i'm not happy with it anymore. it's no fun anymore. i don't know where to go or what path to pursue.

i'm not ready to face it. i don't even want to face it. i just want to either end it all or retire permanently.

there's so much stuff i'd like to blog lately but am too lazy to even sign in.

i've recently been alto whoring. imma print some pics later. maybe i'll try drawing him. then again, i prolly won't reveal it as my anatomy skillz suck balls.

anyhoo, my mom picked up a puppy off the middle of the street. meet GUNDAM.


isn't he the most awesome puppy evarr?!?!


imma blog whore alto-hime laterr.