Teoryang Romantisismo, succintly defined as pagtakas sa katotohanan, was my graduation codename, conveniently imposed against my will, and the said graduation i ditched, only reinforced the stigma of the said label. seriously pisses me off.

coherent, much? right now, i don't have the will to fix it. live with it.

the point is that i immerse myself in massive volumes of augmented, artificial experiences contained in books and tv programs as a substitute for the mundane, pathetic excuse of a pseudo-life i've been living these past five years. Just thinking of it makes me want to bury myself alive, but alas i'm too pathetic and scared that i can't even do it.

i was doing well these past few months because i've been productive to an extent. but the paranoia is creeping in again. i've been faking enthusiasm, but it's getting harder when the entire time i just want to snap my neck in half just to permanently get out of it. i seriously need to find a way to reverse this. i'm sinking back into my old habits.

on a lighter note, i've been simmering a scifi universe in my head for months now. no idea whether it can work its way out into paper. i was looking over scifi books to make sure i don't unintentionally plagiarize, only to find out i've only read a handful. so i was under the impression that i'm unworthy of writing scifi if i'm not even aware of what i'm supposed to live up to. of course, that's impossible because i've never even tried writing fiction before, but i should still try. :P so, while searching, i only encountered mostly classics from the 40s until the 80s. i decided to hoard them nonetheless. i found it difficult to find more recent or more "advanced" stories, which is weird. most of the books i found are despite very well-written and well thought out, are mostly just modified version of cliche space operas and dystopias. or maybe, they spawned the cliches. :P i found them convoluted and rather "clinical" in approach, almost impersonal. this is probably the main reason, why most readers steer clear of them. they alienate people despite how awesome they really are, and end up being rejected without even getting to the better parts. of course, my opinions could still change because i've only briefly scanned them instead of completely immersing myself.

but still, i couldn't shake off the feeling that i've read better, even if i literally hadn't yet. later, i realized that i'm not so clueless regarding scifi since 90% of the anime i've been devouring my entire life are scifi-based. some of them, no matter how fast-paced and action-packed still end up on the trash bin because of how convoluted the explanation parts are. surely, at first i only watch them because of the giant flying robots fight scenes, but later as i grew older, i came to appreciate the premise and philosophical discourse more.

in my head, i want my story to be as addictive as chick lit so it could be digested by more people. but it turns out that if i do that, i might run the risk of dumbing it down. luckily for me, i've witnessed the anime industry trying to overcome this for a couple of decades. one of the shows that succeeded at marketing to a mainstream audience is Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuutsu. the problem with it is that brainless drones/fans completely overlooked the epic awesomeness of its scifi aspect, which is sad. all they remember are the gratuitous fanservice disguised as sexual harassment. SO SAD! D:

ANIME SCIFI
PRO: awesome awesome premises, excessive philosophical introspection, psychosis simulation, violent violence LOL, to easier empathize with characters
CON: overly commercial and peppered with dirty marketing tricks

CLASSIC WESTERN SCIFI
PRO: authors had freedom from tv execs thus more crazy, they're classic so obviously the best of their time
CON: at this point in time they're already dated, convoluted explanations

anyhoo, i hope i don't forget the stuff before i write it down. XD