i know, right?
i've been really wanting to vent out my thoughts online so bad, but i always get scared of coming out of my room. forgive thee for not having internet connection. i really am. sorry, that is. this has really been disjointed. i had to suffer venting my exploding brain on paper, where my hand couldn't possibly keep up with the rate of flow of my brainfarts. i tried journalling(?) on my pc. i really did. but that's so boring because no one else could read it and i started writing of confidential stuff embedded in fiction. so, technically, those aren't journal entries. i hate the fact that my right hand couldn't keep up with my left. i know no one else reads this blog anyway. but it gives me joy thinking someone could stumble upon my blog and contemplate my pointless thoughts.
i always get carried away by my daydreams. i couldn't control my daydreams. i have early signs of schizophrenia. i couldn't stand school. i hate it. i'm losing my mind. people are going to kick my ass for this, but i'm filing leave of absence. that is, if i muster enough drive to get out of the trouble i dug myself into. i'm going to hell. someone save me.

i can't stand school. i need to love school again. i never learn anything. i never remember anything. i feel so worthless. but then, nothing i do is worth anything, to beging with.

i have no conscience. i can think of the right and wrong stuff, but it feels so wrong forcing myslef to do anything according to 'morals' when i don't even feel anything about it. i feel nothing. i feel dead. i lost hope, too. dunno how to generate more. my brain damage is getting worse.

though seemingly disjointed, this entry is worth moarrrr than what i posted in the past few months.

i need to remember how to live again. remind me to get out of my room and do crap like i used to.